This is a tough situation for any parent/guardian and honestly, there is no easy answer. Part of the solution is going to include your child, your guidance, and possibly the employer.
Remember, your reaction is going to influence your child. Therefore, it is just as important for you to remain solution focused and it is best to put your personal emotions to the side when speaking to your child about their employment concerns. I know this is hard for any parent to do, especially if you are your child’s main support source; but, keep in mind, you are providing support, just in a different, more empowering way now. I recommend: Talking to your child and learn what his/her concerns really are (maybe he/she just had a bad day-it happens!) Next, list each concern and write them on paper. Measure each concern. Is the concern easy to solve or more complex? Before doing this, determine and explain with your child what a simple concern is and what a more complex concern is-provide examples when you need too. Decide, can my child solve this on their own? Do they require minimal support from me? Or do I as a parent need to help them more directly through teaching and guiding? Depending on what the concerns are, teach your child problem solving steps and strategies. Some concerns will be easy to solve, while others may require you to guide your child to reach a successful outcome. For example:
For some concerns:
Follow-up with your child to see if the problem has been solved. If the problem hasn’t been solved find out from your child why – it is extremely important for you, as the parent not to reach out to the employer, and I like what one parent had to say about supporting their child while working in the community: “This is a bit of a tricky question because there are so many things that have to be taken into effect to our children working in the community. My son has been bullied, set up by co-workers to look bad, and had questions asked about him that are strictly information gathering from fellow employees (one in particular). Our children are very trusting and naive in some instances and they can be taken advantage of very easily. I am very careful to not paint working as a negative in ANY light as my son can easily label the "entire" experience as negative instead of the one aspect. I always refer to any shortcomings as lessons that he will need to learn to deal with for years to come, as the same issues often creep up at other employment situations in any company. I always tell my son to report to his direct manager of situations that warrant attention. Often he will come home upset about a certain situation, I will talk him down, talk about possible solutions he can do with the next encounter or direct him to talk to management. Our kids often do well with simple emails to managers for the times that it is necessary. This also helps with a good paper trail for our kids, we can also monitor the outgoing email (proof reading so it sounds politically correct), and incoming of the managers email back to see if what is said is meant in a certain way or context. We often talk about results and intentions of others and himself. I do find that the biggest obstacle is educating fellow staff about our children's way of learning.” In the unlikely event that your child needs further assistance than what you can provide or you would like to seek external advice about an employment situation you can reach out to an employment agency in your area such as TeamWork Cooperative, YMCA or Job Junction, or connect with Ready, Willing, & Able by emailing [email protected] just like one parent did: “My daughter’s employment recently ended. As her parent, I have been feeling quite unsettled about this and don’t know how best to support her, as I don’t feel I have a good grasp on the situation. I asked her about it but was not confident that she had all the details. I also was not confident that she was given the whole story. It somehow seems wrong that they brought her into a private space upon arrival, told her the job was ending immediately and sent her home right away without a chance to say goodbye to coworkers?? The only other thing I can think I could do would be to email a Ready, Willing, & Able staff member and try to set up a meeting. I understand privacy issues however I am the key support person for my daughter and I think it would be useful for her if I am in the know.” I feel very impotent about this and would love to hear some other ideas. I look forward to your feedback on this issue.” When concerns come up during your child’s employment you may at times feel like you don’t know how to best support him or her; but remember, you are not alone. If you need to reach out to a family member or friend who can lend an ear to listen, then do so. If you need more family support you can also reach out to Autism Nova Scotia’s Family Support Coordinator, Jenny Tyler at [email protected].
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